(photo courtesy of Wikipedia Commons)
By Casey Flores
I believe that sex is a wonderful thing. Without sex, I would not be writing this and you would not be reading this. I also believe that sex is a gift from God made for the context of a marriage covenant. I am, what many people would consider, a “very religious” person and I am choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. My faith plays a large role in why I am deciding to wait until marriage, but religious conviction aside, there are many very practical, secular reasons to make this decision. Here are seven:
1) It’s a romantic gift
With more meaning than roses, chocolates, teddy bears and even engagement rings, one’s virginity is something that can only be given away once. If you save it for marriage, for the person with whom you will be “’til death do you part,” that can be considered the most romantic gesture possible. Didn’t some part of you cheer on Nick and Jessica’s wedding night?
2) Married people have the best sex most often
According to psychpage.com, 40% of married people have sex twice a week compared to 20-25% of unmarried couples living together. In the same study, married men and women reported significantly higher emotional and physical satisfaction with their sex lives.
3) Sex life and life in general is better when sex is saved.
A study involving 2,035 married participants done by the Journal of Family Psychology found that people who waited until marriage rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex. Relationship stability amongst those people was an average of 22% higher and relationship satisfaction was 20% higher than those who had sex before getting married.
4) You’ll have no one to compare it to.
“You have to drive the car before you buy it!”
Please. I’ve heard this so many times. Only ever knowing what sex is like with one person is a blessing. Factoring sexual performance into whether or not a relationship is worthwhile is MISSING THE POINT of love. This type of logic can lead to unhealthy curiosity resulting in heart-wrenching affairs and divorce. Researchers from the Journal of Family Psychology found that saving sex for that one person “is more likely to create a sense of security and clarity between partners… about exclusivity and a future.”
When I have sex with my wife, if we get it wrong the first time, I guess we’ll just have to do it again. And again and again and again for the rest of our lives. I’m sure we’ll get it “right,” and become even better at it, eventually.
5) There will be absolutely zero chance of stds.
People can try wearing condoms, gloves, garbage bags or even space suits, but nothing protects like no sex.
6) No unplanned pregnancies
Unless you’re the Virgin Mary. But seriously, this used to be more of a valid reason, but with modern-day birth control and a culture that promotes and celebrates “safe” legal abortion on demand, people see this as less of an issue. Before one considers abortion an option, one should also consider what Planned Parenthood had to say about it in 1963 (pre-Roe v Wade):
“Is birth control abortion? Definitely not. An abortion kills the life of a baby after it has begun. It is dangerous to your life and health. It may make you sterile so that when you want a child you cannot have it. Birth control merely post-pones the beginning of life.” (Is Birth Control Abortion, Planned Parenthood pamphlet, Aug. 1963, p.1).
7) Real marriage is about love, not sex.
Let’s go back to this “’til death do us part” notion. Sex can only be entirely safe (emotionally, physically, spiritually). Sex without love and commitment doesn’t work (i.e. the movie “Friends with Benefits”) and really degrades a person to not much more than a simple object if you think about it. That commitment is made at one’s wedding.
You may be thinking “this dude’s crazy.” While I understand how difficult the abstinent lifestyle is given our natural sexuality and our over-sexualized culture, I would only be crazy if this feat were unattainable or uncommon. I personally know hundreds of people who have made this decision, and statistics show we will be much better off for doing so.
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