(photo courtesy of Wikipedia Commons)
By Casey Flores
opinion editor
I believe that sex is a wonderful thing. Without sex, I would not be writing this and you would not be reading this. I also believe that sex is a gift from God made for the context of a marriage covenant. I am, what many people would consider, a “very religious” person and I am choosing to abstain from sex until marriage. My faith plays a large role in why I am deciding to wait until marriage, but religious conviction aside, there are many very practical, secular reasons to make this decision. Here are seven:
1) It’s a romantic gift
With more meaning than roses, chocolates, teddy bears and even engagement rings, one’s virginity is something that can only be given away once. If you save it for marriage, for the person with whom you will be “’til death do you part,” that can be considered the most romantic gesture possible. Didn’t some part of you cheer on Nick and Jessica’s wedding night?
2) Married people have the best sex most often
According to psychpage.com, 40% of married people have sex twice a week compared to 20-25% of unmarried couples living together. In the same study, married men and women reported significantly higher emotional and physical satisfaction with their sex lives.
3) Sex life and life in general is better when sex is saved.
A study involving 2,035 married participants done by the Journal of Family Psychology found that people who waited until marriage rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex. Relationship stability amongst those people was an average of 22% higher and relationship satisfaction was 20% higher than those who had sex before getting married.
4) You’ll have no one to compare it to.
“You have to drive the car before you buy it!”
Please. I’ve heard this so many times. Only ever knowing what sex is like with one person is a blessing. Factoring sexual performance into whether or not a relationship is worthwhile is MISSING THE POINT of love. This type of logic can lead to unhealthy curiosity resulting in heart-wrenching affairs and divorce. Researchers from the Journal of Family Psychology found that saving sex for that one person “is more likely to create a sense of security and clarity between partners… about exclusivity and a future.”
When I have sex with my wife, if we get it wrong the first time, I guess we’ll just have to do it again. And again and again and again for the rest of our lives. I’m sure we’ll get it “right,” and become even better at it, eventually.
5) There will be absolutely zero chance of stds.
People can try wearing condoms, gloves, garbage bags or even space suits, but nothing protects like no sex.
6) No unplanned pregnancies
Unless you’re the Virgin Mary. But seriously, this used to be more of a valid reason, but with modern-day birth control and a culture that promotes and celebrates “safe” legal abortion on demand, people see this as less of an issue. Before one considers abortion an option, one should also consider what Planned Parenthood had to say about it in 1963 (pre-Roe v Wade):
“Is birth control abortion? Definitely not. An abortion kills the life of a baby after it has begun. It is dangerous to your life and health. It may make you sterile so that when you want a child you cannot have it. Birth control merely post-pones the beginning of life.” (Is Birth Control Abortion, Planned Parenthood pamphlet, Aug. 1963, p.1).
7) Real marriage is about love, not sex.
Let’s go back to this “’til death do us part” notion. Sex can only be entirely safe (emotionally, physically, spiritually). Sex without love and commitment doesn’t work (i.e. the movie “Friends with Benefits”) and really degrades a person to not much more than a simple object if you think about it. That commitment is made at one’s wedding.
You may be thinking “this dude’s crazy.” While I understand how difficult the abstinent lifestyle is given our natural sexuality and our over-sexualized culture, I would only be crazy if this feat were unattainable or uncommon. I personally know hundreds of people who have made this decision, and statistics show we will be much better off for doing so.
If you have a response to this article or would like to voice an opinion of your own, please submit a letter to the editor to caltimes@calu.edu.
Well said. It is refreshing to hear a mind that hasn’t be diseased by the culture that says all things are permissable and self-actualization is the most worthy of goals.
You overlook the fact that some people in loving committed relationships can not legally marry even if they want to. This would include gay and lesbian couples as well as those in polyamorous relationships where more than one person is involved. For those of us in such relationships, wait for marriage means wait forever.
The article is based off a truth. A truth that has been proven to be true for over 2,000 years, and in this truth sex was granted as gift for a man and woman. So nothing that this world has to offer can touch any matters that has been proven to be true through revelation and testimony of the eternal loving God because anything that is not of the Gospel is of the world, and the world has no testimony but sin, death, and temporary living. Anything that was created from the world and culture had no purpose to be driven. It is only things like having sex with whoever, whatever, and whenever are things that were created out of selfishness, turmoil, and to divide and conquer the purpose driven life that God has already designed for us long before any other ideas were created in the world.
You do realize that unplanned pregnancies happen all the time in marriages, right? Getting married doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re ready and able to have children. In fact, I used to volunteer at an abortion clinic and married women came in pretty frequently. And married people can and do get STDs so I don’t know what you’re talking about there. Ever hear of infidelity?
There are so many other problems with what you’ve written (you’re simplifying and idealizing things wayyyy too much, good grief) but I don’t have all damn day. Just wanted to make a point about the absurdity that unwanted babies and STDs is something that married people apparently never have to deal with. Marital sex is not magical birth control that will shield you from these things.
Good article, speaking truths that are transcendent. (That means they pass the boundaries of times and cultural changes) There are people out there who chose to define themselves by their sexuality. It’s sad that they don’t realize there is so much more to who we really are than our sexual experiences. If we wish to follow the loving Creator’s desire for our lives, we obey His rules, which are in place to help us, not hurt us. One simply has to look at the statistics and facts to see that sexual relationships within His carefully laid out guidelines are the happiest and most fulfilling. And yes, that does exclude all forms of aberrant behavior, (for YOUR own sake.)
Although the idea is a nice one, there are indeed gay couples who cannot (yet) get married and therefore can’t use the reasoning that they’ll wait until they’re married. Yet another reason gay marriage is slowly gaining ground in this country.
Also, I would think more people would have an unwanted pregnancy while married, since sex is more frequent and less likely to be protected.
I also feel like this could be a slippery slope when it comes to body shaming and policing. Some people may take what you say and use it to deem others ‘dirty’ or ‘unfit’ for a relationship. Which with the amount of slut shaming that is still happening, would only fuel the fire.
Very valid and good points. People need to really think about why we only have our virginity ONCE. It seems to me like it’s because we were meant to have only ONE, lifelong partner. Thanks for sharing.
Interesting point of view on marriage. But why not have sex before marriage if you already know that you will in a short time marry that person and he/she will be the one that you spend your life next to? To make the wedding night special?
i can’t believe that this person is allowed to spout off the way he does all the time in the campus newspaper. there are other ways to share positive intentions and thoughts without alienating large groups of people.
An ideal viewpoint and no doubt, valid on many accounts. However, as far as guarantees go, there are none. Abuse can happen in any relationship, whether both parties were virgins when they married or not. People also die, so that comment about “we were meant to have only ONE, lifelong partner” is short sighted. And what about all the people who experienced sexual abuse when they were children? If we are quoting statistics, according to The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010 Summary Report* 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18. And according to the US Dept of Justice (2005),** 1 in 5 female college students experiences rape during a now-typical 5-year college career. Considering the high percentages, this article sounds moralistic and may be hurtful to the many people who fall into this category.
From this writer’s perspective, whatever point of view a person is invested in can work equally well. I believe that would be the “contingency theory” which posits there is “no one best way.” As far as “Real marriage is about love, not sex,” marriage is about commitment. Through the ups, downs and in-betweens…, whatever your starting point, a commitment to work things out is what makes marriage last.
*http://nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence.pdf.
**https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/205521.pdf